old

so, l. and i went on our date wednesday night. beers at red light red light. a depressing expreience, if there ever was one. she proved to be even younger than i suspected. she's turning 22 next month, three days after i turn 35. the age difference doesn't matter to me, though it probably should and would if i were more mature. it's a deal breaker for her, though. she said early on in the date, after we both revealed our ages, that she couldn't date me because i'm too old for her.

let me tell you something, hearing that makes you feel like shit. it was the first time in my life that i can honestly say i felt old. old and pathetic. old and lame. it's been two days and i haven't shaken it.

it made me feel like my life is a lost cause. i'm too far behind, with too little experience in multiple areas, and with youth gone, my life is going downhill.

this is why i don't like dating. i always end up feeling worse about myself after a date, whether it's that i'm too old, or i haven't read enough books, or i haven't had as much sexual experience as the girl, or whatever...

dating never fails to remind me how deficient i am in certain areas...

i guess i should mention the rest of the date was actually lots of fun. we had no problem finding things to talk about. we have great chemistry, which was apparent right from the outset when we met at the reading. the date lasted five hours. it flew by. i don't date much (see above), but i think it was the best first date i've ever been on.

it doesn't matter. i'm too old...