blue

i don't know if tonight's blue moon has anything to do with it, but i have been down all day. i had to put on an act most of the day, as i'm in richmond, virginia for work.

my 'date' with l. from last week is still bothering me. i'm really down about it. i really wish i would've never asked her out. that experience did nothing good for me. unless making me feel like shit is a good thing.

it's sad that my date with l. was over a week ago. you'd think i wouldn't give a shit at this point, right? yeah, if i was actually good with girls i wouldn't. some of the things l. said just keep coming up in my mind. constant reminders of how my youth is gone and how it's too late to fix my ineptitude with girls.

the part that sucks the most is that these recent depressing moods i've been having since the date have me missing my dad more and more. i can't talk to a. or j. or my brother about this anymore. i've talked to them too many times about girl-bullshit.

not that my dad could say much. ugh. why did i ask her out in the first place? so stupid....

old

so, l. and i went on our date wednesday night. beers at red light red light. a depressing expreience, if there ever was one. she proved to be even younger than i suspected. she's turning 22 next month, three days after i turn 35. the age difference doesn't matter to me, though it probably should and would if i were more mature. it's a deal breaker for her, though. she said early on in the date, after we both revealed our ages, that she couldn't date me because i'm too old for her.

let me tell you something, hearing that makes you feel like shit. it was the first time in my life that i can honestly say i felt old. old and pathetic. old and lame. it's been two days and i haven't shaken it.

it made me feel like my life is a lost cause. i'm too far behind, with too little experience in multiple areas, and with youth gone, my life is going downhill.

this is why i don't like dating. i always end up feeling worse about myself after a date, whether it's that i'm too old, or i haven't read enough books, or i haven't had as much sexual experience as the girl, or whatever...

dating never fails to remind me how deficient i am in certain areas...

i guess i should mention the rest of the date was actually lots of fun. we had no problem finding things to talk about. we have great chemistry, which was apparent right from the outset when we met at the reading. the date lasted five hours. it flew by. i don't date much (see above), but i think it was the best first date i've ever been on.

it doesn't matter. i'm too old...

purple please

a girl i work with just burned four CDs for me. she's a huge prince fan, and we got to talking about his music after she heard me play "gett off" at a party I DJ'd a few weeks ago. all four discs contain nothing but prince songs, mostly songs that are lesser known. one of the discs has a decidely sexual theme to it. gems like "soft and wet", "jack u off", "scarlet pussy", and "come". most of the tracks are from the purple one's early career (when he was all about sex!), and listening to these songs is revealing. although the p-funk and james brown influences are obvious, he took that inspiration and created such a distinct, original style, a sound he possessed right from the start. another surprise was i forgot how much i love "lady cab driver"! i hadn't heard that song in years! that song, along with lots of others, will be finding their way into future DJ sets...for sure!

it looks like i have 'date' set for tomorrow with l. i met l. at the reading on saturday. we're talking about seeing a show at the fringe festival. the question is which show? i want one with humor in it. l. and i talked for a bit on the phone yesterday. get this: she LOVES soccer! watching it and playing it! about a month ago, she actually played in the sunday pick-up game that i play in every week. well, not every week, obviously, since i wasn't there the week she played. i was probably having brunch with antiparticle. she knows a lot of the guys that i play with every week...

blocked

the IS team here at work has restricted our internet access over the past few weeks. no longer can i kill time by parading through the endless profiles on myspace. gone are the days where i could pass part of the afternoon with a search for my future girlfriend on match.com. nope...those sites are now blocked.

which kinda sucks right now, cause i have a new message on my myspace page waiting for me, but i'm unable to read it. (my hotmail tells me whenever i get a new myspace message or comment)

it's an email from carrie. this girl found me on myspace one day and she liked my pics and emailed me, so we became 'friends' without ever meeting in real life. as it turns out, we have a mutual friend but had still never met in person. nonetheless, we're 'friends'. you gotta love the myspace generation, eh?

yesterday, after antiparticle and i had brunch, i finally met carrie in the flesh. anitparticle and i went for a walk around lake eola. it was beautiful outside. carrie was there with a friend and she was walking her dog, sasha.

i sure would like to read the email she sent me. i guess it'll have to wait until i get home, when i can log onto myspace, match.com, or any porn site my heart desires...

be like antiparticle

it's my latest attempt at emulating antiparticle. yes, i'm going to attempt to FINALLY become a true, regular blogger. to launch the pursuit of this most-ambitous goal, i am going to try to blog everyday this week. that's right, EVERYDAY...even if its a short blog, i'm gonna write something.

on saturday, i went to a poetry/literary reading with teresa. the reading was at jack kerouac's old house in college park as a part of the jack kerouac project of orlando. wine and food was served and there was a decent size group of people on hand to listen to author fay hart read, as well as recite from memory, many of her works.

fay has been living in the house for three months and now she's about to move out. her residency has come to a close. i really enjoyed her writing, though much of its appeal may have stemmed from her funny and charismatic read.

fay is a woman who has had her share of experiences to draw from in her work. she lived in london for 27 years and has been married three times. i was told elvis costello wrote "pump it up" for her. this woman has met some interesting people in her time, and clearly, based on her writing, fay has spent a fair amount of that time in bars.

i met some interesting people there...including a cool, artsy, probably-slightly-too-young-for-me girl that i liked. i chatted her up before the reading started and then we sat together and joked about how mediocre one of the wines tasted...only to both agree that we should refill our cups nonetheless. we exchanged phone numbers after fay finished up. i'll keep you abreast to where that goes...if anywhere...