blah

not sure what's wrong with me. today was our first day of shooting, and i feel shitty inside. i'm just not feeling very important here, and it's really effecting me. i'm basically just here to do interviews and then edit the show when we get back, but the fact is anybody could do either of those things. i don't know. i just feel crappy inside, and i don't have anybody here i can talk to, not that i'd want to. i guess what's bothering me is that i got promoted to producer a few months back, but here i am, doing the exact same job i was a year ago. nothing's changed. i'm basically still an AP on this show. i was promoted cause did such a great job posting BBII, but now that doesn't matter. the show became a formula with III and now anybody could do the AP role.

plus, it doesn't help the food sucks over here. the scottish diet is disgusting. i have no one i can vent to except my stupid blog. j is being sweet to me, but i wish she wouldn't. it may well be she's just nice and isn't interested in me, and i hope that's the case, cause when i get moody like this i don't want to contaminate anyone else's life. ugh. it's just day one of the shoot and i'm already down. i need to find a way to get happy again and fast...cause i don't hide this moody bullshit well at all. i've got to find a way to put on a happy face for the rest of the night, and then i can sulk plenty when i'm a lone later tonight....